Untitled #2

I wandered downstairs naked. We were both naked. The only light emanated from the full moon floating amongst the thin clouds. They looked so light… free and unadorned. The air felt cool against my skin, the marble floors icy. A nice reprieve from the heat of the stuffy bedroom.

I was always too hot. You clung to me like I could save your life, and, in some ways, I think I had. I always moved away as soon as your breath slowed to an even, relaxed pace, stirring ever so slightly as I wriggled away putting a stuffed animal into your arms. I lie awake at night these days, thinking about the way your lips would curl as you smiled your sweet smile. Love you baby, you’d say turning and clutching the doll I left in my stead. Always a peaceful sleeper.

You touched me. I moved away. Looking out the window, I saw your sleepy eyes reflecting in the glass, imploring and large. I stared at your supple, young body. Perky, petite. How young we were back then. In love and so close.

I don’t recall when I knew. Not just a gut feeling, but a deep sadness in my belly, heavy and unforgiving. Twisting and gnawing inside like a beast lashing out from the darkness, poised to hit you where it hurt.

How young we were. When we loved, we loved. Full and raw, intense and connected, as one. Until, we weren’t. Funny how that is. Scary, too.

I told you I’d come back to bed and that you should go back to sleep. You hugged me from behind. You told me I would catch cold. I could feel your breasts pressing against the small of back. So young, petite. You reached for my penis and held it in your hand. I told you to go back again with a soft voice, almost a whisper. You moved away and walked slowly up the stairs. I could feel your eyes on me… or…, maybe that’s just what I wanted to think.

I stood by the window for some time, watching the moon inching across the sky. Everything and nothing in my mind the entire time.

You were asleep, pillows and sheets still moist. I held you close and nestled my arm under you, wrapping you tight in my embrace. You shivered as I sought your warmth.

You reached again for my penis, clutching it. I let you and allowed myself to sink farther in. Sleep weighed my eyelids shut, casting me to a rare dreamless sleep, unharmed and in love.